humor
Can I Get A Surgeon?
Elijah: “I can’t find the Scarry Kitty Cat book to read for my nap”
Bruce: “Oh, I think that book is out for surgery, you’ll have to pick another one, sorry bubba.”
Fit ensues.
Bruce: “It’s ok buddy, we’ve read it so many times.” I want to gouge my eyes out every time I see you pull it off the bookshelf. (more…)
Sink or Win
I rounded the corner into the kitchen. The sink overflowed with dishes, but how? Didn’t I just wash the dishes this afternoon? What enables the sink to multiply offspring faster than a bunny? Is it my strange inability to reuse the same cup I was just drinking from? Seriously, how hard is it? Instead of reaching into the cupboard and pulling out a new cup, I need to go find the one I left on top of the bookshelf or on the bedside table. Why do I never do it? (more)
Stand Up Comedy
Aw man! How did I get here? Wasn’t I sleeping? This is the third time this week I’ve woken up standing in my crib and it’s only Monday. I don’t even know how to get down. This is ridiculous.
“WAAAAAA”
Oh wait, I think I hear someone. No don’t turn around because I stopped crying! I’m just trying to listen out for you. Sounds like Mommy went back to bed. I’d better try again.
10 Things I Learned In The First Year of Parenting
If your baby wants to leave early, you don’t really have a say, you leave early.
The joy of your child learning to crawl is quickly overshadowed by the annoyance of him getting into everything and wanting to put it in his mouth. Mmmm dirty shoes.
Sleeping through the night only means sleeping till the crack of dawn.
The toy you see at the store that you know your child will love, he doesn’t. He’d rather play with the box.
I’m too old to spend that much time on the floor.
Toilet Sympathy
You’re arguing because he left the toilet seat up?
Are you kidding me?
How long does it take you to flip the seat back down?
How hard is it to look before you sit?
I never fully understood the whole toilet seat issue. It takes all of one second to either flip it up or flip it down.
The Truth Behind Excuses
“Do you want to put up the light fixtures this weekend?”
“Uhhh, I think I better wait {quick think of an excuse} until we have the Internet up and running so I can research the best way not to electrocute myself. I have no idea which way they run the wires after it goes into the ceiling. I wouldn’t want to drill right into them. Maybe there’s some sort of standard?” Score, that was a solid reason.
Rewind Back In Time | Marriage Tips
This is a post I made on a website that my wife and I had a few years ago. One of those we just got married “so let’s put our names together to make a url and barf a million pictures from our wedding and honeymoon on it” sites. It was my first attempt to make a humorous post. I think I may have to do a version 2.0 on this one. To my surprise I received a lot of positive feedback on it. I hope you enjoy the trip back to my roots. This one’s for you Jeff.
